Jesus christ! It's been a while. I left this site pretty much a year ago because I couldn't be arsed to continue blogging on more than one site even if ctrl + c and ctrl + p is an easy enough task to do. I came back for one reason, that was pretty much for Natalie.

Apart from the fact she is awesome, she is possibly my most under rated friend. She'd funny, smart (sort of), good at games (sort of) isn't afraid to be herself rather than some carbon copy of someone else. And even if she thinks that soldiers in TF2 are good, she's still my friend.

Recently she left for new york and to be honest, I feel lonely as fuck. I rarely ever see her in honesty and thats the bit that hurts the most. Reading some of her blogs, I understand what she is going through and I wish I could be there for her but I never am. It's one of those things where you think you are a useless friend but in this instance, I sort of am.

Back in secondary school, she said that I was one of her only friends, the way that it was said though, wasn't in the way like "Get me more you douche fuck!" but it was more like a thank you. Most of my other friends laughed at the word penis, but I remember being in english class listening to 99 bottles of beer on the wall on my MP3 player whilst Nat was like "Dude wth? Stop it!".

I might of been annoying her, but still... I don't care, it was fun, go fuck yourself!

After school, she went to college and studied media and my goodness, I have to break the snetence here, Parappa The Rappa has the best music ever! Cheep Cheep cooking is brilliant, got it on MP3. That is quite sad to be honest...

Back to the sentence... You know? I can't concentrate with cheep making a cake on the bloody phone, it's like, leave me alone, it's like ear acid, you can't type because it's like FUCK!!! EAR RAPE!!! Well it's not even rape, it's more like ear seduction, it's like all french and stuff...

"J'adore... la piscine, manger le poulet... au revoir madamoiselle."

I know what I said there, I was shit at french anyway.

Anyway NATALIE WENT TO COLLEGE AND STUDIED MEDIA!!! You know that bit already and I did it in caps for... no reason at all...

During college she met interesting people who liked her for who she was and that made me happy but on the inside, I missed her like crazy!

I knocked round almost everyday unnannounced to try and meet her, it was either "Asda" or "College".

Natalie was always a bitch, doing stuff like being a productive member of society, fuck!

Natalie found many interesting things at college like... Marajuanananuuijauanjaujaanujauaja... Weed, late nights, hotel rooms, X box LIVE, Team Fortress 2 and of course, lazy town.

I made the last one up but hey, whatcha gonna do? Sue me?

Don't sue me...

During this time, she met interesting peopel like Sian and jesus. And she also met uninteresting people and shit musicians like Ollie Wells and Tim Minchin.

I'm joking Nat, Tim Minchins "Okay".

She's coming back from new york today and then she has a gig watching green day -shudder-.

That sort of sucks because I want to see her NOW!!!

I miss you Nat, and I write this pretty much to say.

Lets run of to nepal and feed of of crazy bushes with 20 cats.

20 too much? How about 63?

And a wagon wheel covered in pearl jam CD's

Deal?

Thought so.

Kai

Well, in the past few weeks, I have had a lot of mixed feelings, mainly because there hasn't been a moment where I have been either completely happy, or completely sad, but as of today, I think I'm both in some sort of weird circumstances.

It's a bit hard to be 100% happy and 100% sad, but it's like 110% beefburgers, like thats going to happen (and did you know, pepperamis are made from 137% pork? Didn't think so. Check it out).

But within the past two weeks, I have learnt many things

• I have learnt that a man who sticks his knob in a box full of snickers bars is fucking nuts.
• Gary Glitter is the reincaration of the prophet Mohammed.
• The credit crunch isn't that bad, I gave my mate a tenner last week and I'm now Britain's third biggest lender.
• Disabled toilets are ironically the biggest toilets you can run around in.
• It's okay to be a little bit racist. As long as you pretend to hate people for being asylum seekers, and not just because they are black.
• Being a priest is horrible. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?
• 72% of women are married, the other 28% failed.

Other than that, I haven't learnt much, of course, there is the bicarbonate of soda, red food colouring and vinegar combination where you can make a volcano that tastes like crazy toothpaste.

One disgusting thing I learnt was that a black child within my community took someone to court for racial bullying, thats not the shocking thing in itself, it's the fact that he got fined and had to fill out a formal apolgy to the child and family.

Call me old fashioned, but if someone gets bullied, it's known by the teachers and adults as "Creative criticism"?

I have been bullied, I'll admit that, I'll also admit that I have been bullied for over 9 years, which in case you don't know, is a LONG time. I have been called so many names, some of which, I had to pull out a dictionary because I had never heard of that before.

But one white child, calls a black child a "Neggro" and it's all over for the living standards of the white male. It's like everyone has a waxing strip attached to our scrotums, waiting for us to say something stupid, I just don't get it.

I tried to tell so many people, teachers, friends the works, nothing was done, a little naughty naughty and that was it. But a child, says one word, neggro, which comes from the spanish word for BLACK let me remind you and it's a lawsuit of the year. What on gods green earth is happening?

Could i do the same thing if a black an called me blanc? I don't think so, this diversity outlook in britain just seems like we are sticking our arses in the air waiting to get fucked by the methodist churches.

I dunno, I'm just angry, which leads me to my upset.

My dog, better known as Jyp (Great name huh) may be taken to a home because my parents have had enough of him, I don't want to lose the crazy barking shit machine, he's what makes me smile when I come home. Take that away and I have the internet and afternoon television, what am I going to do with that?

He has one floppy ear and everything, crazy facial hair like a chinese elder, the works.

Sort of like one of those limited edition burgers from McDonalds with enough stuff in it to feed you for a year. The use everysinglefuckingthingyoucanfind burger I think it's called...

Going back on to my original topic of happiness and depression, every day I look at my blogs and think "You should really go to a mental home, they have padded rooms and everything (which is actually so much softer than a quilt you get in a 5 star hotel.

Yet every time I write, it relieves me like a constipated man from the chilli festival.

Blogging to me is like a diary that is full of a load of bollocks you normally wouldn't be intrested in, yet every one else is.

Which to me makes no sense at all, if i said "My pubic hairs are actually shaped like an Italian mustache." Some people would be interested.

Just so you know, it's a pink mohawk.

This blog to me doesn't seem very big, but it's taken a lot off my chest, or my bowels, I think i just emptied myself at an innapropriate time.

Oh well, the brown racing stripe is fashionable on cars, maybe I can just go "Brum Brum"...

That padded room is speaking to me again...

Right now, I have some incesent need to keep blogging, which is just... bizarre because I have a writters block 24/7.

Maybe it's Sarah, I don't want to let her down so I just keep on saying the first thing that comes to my mind... scrap that, the second thing that comes to my mind.

Just a few seconds ago I thought "Do ghosts change their clothes? It does get a bit dusty and what not."

I can't answer that, I just hope that Sarah doesn't pimp me out to bad people for making such a weird blog.

Anyway, I'm upset with learning and learning to be upset.

What a life.

I'm going now, WOW!

Ciao darlingy people

Love you all

XxXxX

Kai.

Today we are going to be speaking about men and women and relationships blah blah blah, mainly because people suck at relationships and all I see around me is people being sad individuals saying that nobody loves them, call me dark, but you bring that upon yourself.

Firstly though, I wish to talk about how I have been feeling recently, because I've had enough of listening to your whiney little voices and I sound like a sexy Christopher Walken...

I don't... But still...

I just happen to be in on of those creative moments where music comes out of your fingers and onto the keys of a piano, turning the scene into an anthropomorphic drama, where the notes dance upon the windowsill with only a flickering lamppost supplying them with light.. I know it won't last that long, my luck is just like that, but I am also in a curious mood, curious in the way that I want to know what two asthmatics would look like during sex.

But now we are coming off topic, so it's time to put the train back on the rails...

I have always wanted to write a masterpiece since I got my keyboard many years ago, I don't mean many as in be "ye olde times", I mean it in the fashion that it was about 5 years ago, but I can't be arsed to remember.

There it goes, the creative streak has left me, maybe it's that mad methodist christian pulling out the "evil spirits".

Where would those spirits go? Is there like a bad spirit hell or something? They can't just go into nothingness... Or can they?

Maybe they are plotting something, your security intel won't tell you about THAT now will they?

I noticed a few things yesterday,

Mainly that I leave an inappropriate amount of gaps between sentences

whilst blogging

which

can

be

annoying for some

people

but I say this

Screw you!

It's my choice so NER!

The main reason I do it is because I change topic, but it still doesn't look very tidy.

I have also noticed that I like rap music, which is a problem for me because I am a long haired rocker living in england. It's sort of like shouting wankers during a minute of silence, everyone is gonna hate you for it, apart from anarchists, which will probably be about two people within the crowd including that old woman with her head lurched between her breasts and an eye thats balance is destroyed because it has some sort of attraction to low flying birds.

Back to me, the most creative thing I have done recently is squirt tomato ketchup upon my beans and arranged it in a smiley face. Even after reading that you probably thought "What sort of a sad act does shit like that?" Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are just as sad because here you are...

Sitting...

Reading...

My gappy blog...

You are sort of like one of those people that record the episode of red dwarf that is played backwards, then you play it backwards so you know what they are saying... Okay I did that too... But my point still stands,We are nerdy as hell.

So many people ask who they would like to meet in real life and to be honest, I'd like to meet Rockso the rock and roll clown from the much loved cartoon "Metalocalypse" If you haven't bought Duncan hills coffee yet. you have not lived, it's like angels dancing on the tip of my tongue.

It's like cyanide that wakes you up, cyafiene or something...

But back on to me AGAIN, god, I'm all over the place, it's sort of like watching a drunk driver with epilepsy on a rally track, great fun but it's scary and you somewhat don't want to look.

Everyone has a certain level of creativity, it mainly comes out during hobbies, meaningless tasks or even in depth relationships, but from what I've heard recently, men are about as creative with relationships as stephen hawking is with finger paintings.

That was cruel I'm sorry, but I do want to hear him say "Stop... Hammer time."

If you didn't laugh during that, then you are as sad as they come, but if you did laugh, then you are as sick as hell.

Regardless, men these days don't even seem to compliment women, like what is up with that? I brought myself up to be a true gentlemen, even if it's by performing small gestures, it doesn't go unnoticed, but even if it did, I wouldn't care, it's common courtesy. Opening a door for someone seems to get no thank you's, apart from the elderly, that or a hit in the crotch with a walking stick. But I have said about 7 nice things too 7 different girls recently to make them feel positive and up lifted, I never would of expected to be the first person to say something nice like that to 6 of them.

I have to draw this to a close soon, my butt has lost it's feeling and I don't want it to wear down to the spine.

Men should be much nicer to women, they are not tools, but maybe somewhere along the line with love rats, bunny boilers etc, People have learned that you shouldn't compliment everyone, otherwise you might be part of a one night stand or maybe even getting... your...  bunny... boiled...

I dunno, I could of used puppy or baby but I'm sure someone would of complained...

As for the women, if a man gives you a compliment, take it for crying out loud, we say you are beautiful for a reason, we say we like your hair, or your eyes, or your dress sense because we are being pleasant individuals.

It's because we admire you, we believe that your beauty cannot be shrouded by the shadows, your radiance is incomparable to all within the world of mother nature, your elegance is greater then that of the setting sun upon the gentle waters of the ocean.

That or we LOVE sex.

Or some sort of shit...

I'm going now because I can't feel my legs...

Probably because I don't have any arms.

Shame really...

There goes the hand shandy...

Lots of leggy love

Kai

A.K.A. The gappy blogger

XxXxX